


One Is Just The Other

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Relationships, Dominance, F/M, Feelings Realization, Growing Up, Light Masochism, Masochism, Multi, Platonic BDSM, Raphael-centric, Sort-of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:59:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11723412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An anon on tmntkink requestedthisand I decided to invert it.Or, Raph explores masochism safely.





	One Is Just The Other

**Author's Note:**

> This was more of a coming of age story than I intended. I blame the pacing.

i.

  
He braced against the wind. It was a real threat this high above the city, but Leo had just kept climbing, toes in the brickwork, story after story. All Raph had done was follow. And wasn’t that what Splinter was always barking at him to do anyway? _Follow_?

  
Like he didn’t have anything better to do than stare up Leo’s shell, scaling a high rise, midwinter.

  
He tucked his fingers under his arms as soon as he could, wishing he could sink into the warmth of his shell. Frozen, Leo crouched, eyes searching the skyline like they had anything but the view this high up. The red ends of his mask whipped violently in the wind, slapping against his shell.

  
“You know-”

  
“I don’t.” Leo said, and he sounded patient. Sincere. Infuriating. Raph clenched his jaw, staring, squinting into the wind. “ _I don’t_. I know she’s confused-”

  
“-dangerous-”

  
“-skilled-”

  
“-evil, crazy-”

  
“Enough, Raphael.” Leo said, firming his voice. It made Raph wanna- wanna _hit something_ , and he could already feel his blood thrumming in his ears, combating the cold. “You have to give her a chance-”

  
“I don’t!” Raph argued, surprised by the vehemence in his voice. The wind was only growing stronger as the sun fell, making him shout over it. That suited him just fine. His heart felt all squeezed behind his plastron, his lungs fighting to pump in the thin air around Leo. He had to fight to shout; Raphael would shout harder. It was the only way he knew. “I don’t want some Foot chick-”

  
“She’s one of us!” Leo said, turning, finally, to face him, his eyes blue slits behind his mask. His glacial countenance was at odds with his suddenly pleading tone. “Master Splinter said-”

  
“ _Karai_ said Shredder was her father.” Raph said, and he had to look away from the burn of Leo’s stare. What made him need to protect _her_? He didn’t seem too moved that Raph was up here freezin’ his shell off just to _talk_. “She’s fine out there, snuggled up to that maniac-”

  
He’d been looking away, uncomfortable in his own shell, which meant he didn’t see Leo move until a tightened fist was hitting him square in the jaw. It had been years since Leo had struck out at him without warning, not since they were _kids._ Kids arguing over toys, and attention, and in the years since, the weight behind the fist had grown alongside it’s intention. Raph’s head snapped back. His words cut off with a sharp click and now that he was quiet, he could hear Leo breathing. Fast and hard, over the wind.

  
Raph’s body felt frozen, but for the heat flaring in his cheek and chin.

  
“I’m sorry.” Leo said immediately, and he sounded wretched. Raph shook his head, trying to shake away prickling heat, but moving just made it swell and spread. His skin felt tight and oversensitive where Leo had pressed his knuckles into his cheek. He might even bruise, a deeper green, and the thought filled him with a violent, unkempt emotion.

  
“I’m going back.” Leo said finally. “You should too.”

  
He already sounded far away.

  
Raph didn’t respond, his anger having left him drained. Way up there alone, he didn’t know how to feel.

 

ii.

  
“Hey, Red.” He greeted, grinning, and April smiled back at him, easy.

  
“Hey, red.” She said.

  
He stood, looking at her for a minute, the chewed end of her pencil, and her wide eyes. He shouldn’t even try. Mikey would kill him if he did anything. Apparently, they had to figure it out on their own, and Sensei agreed.

  
Hadn’t stopped him from screwing around before.

  
“What’re you up to?” Raph asked, leaning the rim of his shell casually on her side of the desk. She’d already let her attention drift back down to the papers in front of her. Raph pulled a sai free while she wool-gathered, spinning it lazily.

  
“Everything.” She said, and then laughed. She sounded tired. “Casey and I have a biology lab due, but Donnie really needed a second pair of eyes on this mutagen-project-thing, so...yeah.”

  
April nodded sleepily to herself, and then, with careful precision lowered the heat on the Bunsen.

  
“Uh-huh.” Raph said. To avoid looking at her, and giving away his personal amusement, he admired the glinting tips of his sai, their smooth sheen under Don’s fluorescent lights. “So, why didn’tcha tell Casey to do his own homework?”

  
April laughed.

  
“We’re partners, so I’d be writing up a report either way, I’m just kinda... filling in the blanks for him, too.” She said officiously. Her hands shuffled a few papers- articles, handwritten notes, school journals- meticulously careful of the glassware in front of her.

  
Donnie’s experiment, had to be. It glowed, bubbled and smelled, which meant it fit all the criteria to be Don’s mad scientist junk. Every few moments, April would swab at the rim of the slowly bubbling container, dip it into another container and then jot a few things down. Then she’d reset the entire process. Raph had watched her for a few moments before coming in, building a sort of lazy bemusement.

  
“Well...then, why didn’t you tell Don to ask one of us to watch his jars bubble?”

  
April laughed again, but a little less naturally, and her hands wiggled her pencil even though she hadn’t seemed to need to write anything down since Raph had showed up.

  
“I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, Raph, I don’t know how much Don trusts you guys-scientifically speaking.”

  
Raph snorted.

  
“Whatever. You know what I mean, O’Neil.” Raph said, turning to face her fully, leveling his sai at her like he was interrogating her. “Why’d you let those clowns rope you into helping?”

  
“They needed help.” April said, avoiding eye contact.

  
Raph smirked, and then bent down, putting him eye-level to the baby sister he’d only just gotten. She was already eyeballing him, suspicious, which meant she was gonna fit in just fine.

  
“Okay.” Raph said. “So, why’dja say yes to _both_ of ‘em?”

  
“What?” April said. The pencil jiggled in her grip.

  
“Instead of helping Donnie,” Raph said slowly. “or helping Casey you decided to help both of them.”

  
He paused.

  
“At the _same time_.”

  
“Oh- _kay_.” April said, aggrieved and now she was meeting his stare head on, angry maybe, definitely confused. “What should I have done then, O master of time management? If I help Casey, then Donnie’s stuck with Leo, or worst case scenario, _you_ for help-”

  
“Hey!”

  
“-and his experiment would probably fail, and if it didn’t he’d never trust the results. And if I help Donnie, Casey’s going to fail biology, and me with him!” She was breathing hard, and little red when she finished. Her eyes searched his face and Raph imagined she was wondering how much he could guess of her feelings.

  
Dude, like, not much of a _guess_.

  
“I just don’t have enough of me.” She said finally, like it was the answer to a question Raph hadn’t asked.

  
“You sure?” Raph asked, and April practically vibrated with frustration. “Because, you over schedule those two, all the time, Red. Almost like you _like_ it or something-”

  
Oops. Too far.

  
Her hand darted out, faster now that she was taking training more seriously, smacking his shoulder hard enough to smart. It made him grin at her, too wide. Too many teeth.

  
He could’ve dodged it. Probably. She was getting faster though.

  
He just hadn’t felt like moving.

  
“Who would like _this_?” April said, and her hand waved at the mess in front of her. “It’s too much.”

  
“Better than nothing.” Raph said, rubbing the sting out of his skin.

 

iii.

 

“You freakin’ punk!” Raph shouted. His pulse raced, as he watched Mikey’s expression turn panicked. He stepped, feinted to the left, before turning and sprinting the long way around the couch. Mikey, honest to god _screamed_ , and the sound just made him want to hit him harder. “I’mma kill you for this, Mikey!”

  
“What kind of flowers, do you think?” Don asked, staring blankly into his coffee. “For Mikey’s funeral, I mean.”

  
“No flowers.” Leo bit out. The day-glo orange of his shell matched Raph’s own, big messy paint splotches where Mikey had bombed them from above. “ _Just put him out the airlock_.”

  
“Yes, Captain.” Donnie said drily.

  
Mikey skirted around the stack of crates they were using for a coffee table, and Raph lunged for him, taking Mikey down in a jumble of knees and shells. He heard his shell bump the tv, and Don’s resulting shout, but Mikey was squealing like a pig under him, lashing out with his hands like they were ‘chuks in his panic. Light blows caught him across the arm, shoulder and thigh, bright lines of sensation lighting him up. Raphael struggled to pin him while he thrashed, to ignore his body.

  
“You are such a shit-”

  
“Uncle!” Mikey squeaked, curling into his shell in the face of Raph’s anger, but blood beat in his temples, and he boxed him once on the side of his head, and then again. “Uncle, Raph! C’mon!”

  
“I’m _orange_!” Raphael shouted.

  
“Alright.” Leo spoke up grudgingly from the table. “Let it go, Raph. Hitting him won’t make you less orange.”

  
Mikey squirmed, trying to wiggle out from under him, and his knee caught him clumsily in the plastron, the pain of the blunt force spreading sluggishly through his stomach. It made him feel sick and dizzy, as his abdomen clenched up. Made him feel... weird. Really weird. It made Raph pissed _all over again_ , and his fist struck out, catching Mikey across the cheek.

  
Only this time, Mikey just let out a sniff. And then a sort of wobbly wail as he started to cry.

  
Shit.

  
“Raph.” Leo said sharply from the table.

  
“Raphael.” Master Splinter said over him, but he was already up, on his feet, retreating. Mikey was sitting up too, glaring at him balefully through teary eyes, but Raph felt shaken, and still too nauseated to think of anything but vanishing.

  
His skin felt tight, like he was too full to hold all of himself.

  
“Your room, Raphael.” Master Splinter said, and Raph went, head down. Where the hell else was he going to go? The Chrysler building?

 

iv.

 

“I want the doofus in the ski mask.” Casey said, close enough for Raph to smell the onion rings he’d eaten earlier. “The one who keeps trying to pick his nose.”

  
“Sure.” Raph said. “Leaves the rest for me.”

  
Casey didn’t even bother answering, just checked him, full body. Knocked their shoulders together, made his shell scrape against the wall. Raph rolled with the motion, taking his knocks for what they were. It was easy to accept Casey’s sudden weight, the unspoken push and pull of dominance they wore any time they did _anything_. Part boast, part complicated game of chicken. Whatever it was, continuation of current circumstances meant Raph shoved him back, harder, _twice as hard_ , making Casey giggle when their heads clunked together.

  
“Bull _shit_.” Casey said, the curse rolling easily from his tongue that Raph couldn’t help but delight in. Casey was a dumbass a lot of the time, but when he wasn’t? He was basically the coolest person Raph knew.

  
He only knew like five people, so it didn’t count as a compliment. Not really.

  
“Yeah.” Raph said. Casey’s elbow knocked into his side again and again as he wrestled one of his hockey sticks free from his back. “I’ll take the rest of ‘em before you’re done. And your mom, Jones.”

  
Casey laughed , punching him hard, and Raph doesn’t have to think about it because _it’s okay that he lets him_. With Casey, he was supposed too.

  
Out with Leo and the guys, something like that, he had to restrain himself. Couldn’t get angry. Couldn’t react. Ninjas were controlled smoke. With Casey, the expected response was the offensive and the expectation made it comfortable.

  
Hit, be hit.

  
Raph flexed his arm, spreading and prolonging the sting Casey’s fist had left him, letting the adrenaline it gave settle in his veins.

  
“Let’s go crack some skulls.” Casey said, flipping his mask down, and when he held out his fist this time, Raph met it silently with his own.

  
  
v.

 

She’d accepted his invitation to spar graciously, her voice warm and throaty over the phone. He thought afterwards that he should’ve asked her to do something...cooler? More romantic? _How the hell would he know?_

  
Having her on earth was beyond amazing, but it had made him realize he didn’t really know what all they had in common. Besides punching, and each other.

  
And, well, punching _each other,_ but Raph was pretty sure that was just him.

  
She hadn’t acted like it was a weird request, her voice pleased in his ear. She’d shone up a few minutes early, ringing the alarm to the lair like he’d told her, and Raph tried hard to quell his unreasonable excitement before opening the door.

  
When he did, they stepped into a hug so perfect it felt choreographed.

  
Mona pulled back first, keeping her arms around him, and her nictitating membranes slid rapidly across her eyes, once, twice.

  
“Hello, Raphael.” She said, and he looked up into the steady warmth of her smile. The fluttering, anxious excitement had been replaced with the same easy companionship he always felt around her.

  
“Hey Mona." This close he could smell her, dry and salty, like good chocolates. “I missed you.”

  
She cleared her throat, and he could tell she was pleased.

  
“I missed you as well, Raphael.” She told him, quiet, as though in confidence. Too bad _freaking everyone_ had staged themselves oh-so-casually around the living room once they’d heard she was coming over. It was only because of Mikey’s unabashed staring, that Raph pulled back, although reluctantly. Her hands slipped too slowly from his shell, and now he missed her all over again.”Have you been well?”

  
“Yeah. No complaints.” She smiled for him, a small curve to her generous mouth, and it spoke more to him than anything they had said so far. “You?”

  
“The Mutanimals continue to prove interesting.” She said, diplomatically. “I think we are coming to understand one another.”

  
“What do we do if she eats Pigeon Pete?” Mikey whispered to Donnie, too loudly to maintain his innocent pretense of _totally not spying on Raph’s girlfriend._

 _'Girlfriend!_ ’ Raph thought.

“Maybe I should ask her to eat _you_!” Raph said, whirling on Mikey, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Why did Mikey always have to be such a-

  
Mona slipped her hand into his, pulling him back.

  
“Hahaha! You’re joking. Because, I was joking! Right?”

  
Raph turned back to her in time to catch her responding smile to Mikey, a dazzling display of teeth. It made Raph smile in return even though that hadn’t been her point, and then they were just kind of smiling at each other, until Donnie cleared his throat.

  
He rolled his eyes while he did, but Raph was feeling good enough to let it go.

  
“C’mon, Raph? Right?” Mikey said worriedly.

  
“Sure, whatever, Mike.” Raph said, but he was still thinking about her teeth, and the spread of her mouth. How sharp they felt when they kissed. The idea of danger, that only made him more reckless. “You wanna go spar, Mona?”

  
“Yes.” Mona said, just a bit too quickly, pulling her eyes from what she saw in his.

  
“Cool.” Raph breathed, grabbing her hand. “We can-the dojo. It’s this way.”

  
“Do...jo?” She asked, and Master Splinter nodded to her as Raph hurried them across the living room. It seemed to relax her, her hand grasping his more firmly as she let herself be guided.

  
“Yeah, it’s where we train to be ninjas. It’s the best place in the lair for a match.”

  
They turned down the hallway, his feet leading them past his bedroom door. As though she could sense his willful thoughts, Mona turned her head toward it as they passed, and Raph flushed with the thought that she might be _in it_ some day.

  
She dropped his hand, so he could slide open the dojo door, and Mona made a pleased sound when the sunlight hit her face. She had been in space a long time, he knew, and now on Earth she could only really go out at night. He was glad to give her this

  
“This is a beautiful place for combat.” She told him, and his heart lifted.

  
“Yeah?” He said. “I think so too. This place has some good memories.”

  
She turned to meet his eyes and she was so beautiful under his sun, her skin iridescent. She looked _soft_ and he knew she _was_ which just made it _worse_.

  
“I am glad you asked me here to spar, Raphael.” She told him seriously, and jeez, the way she said his name could kill a guy. Her eyes on his were arresting and Raph couldn’t look away. “Thank you.”

  
“Nah. You’re. It’s.” Raph pulled himself together with some effort. God, he asked her here to train, not to get blabbered at by an idiot. “Thanks for coming, Mona.”

  
She was smiling at him again and he was staring _again_.

  
“So...” Raph looked away. “Do you need to warm up, or-”

  
“Do you?” She asked him, and Raph cast his eyes back to hers, surprised at her playful tone. “I can wait.”

  
The last line was delivered teasingly, and Raphael scowled at her. He was uncomfortably aware that she was pulling his pigtails.

  
“Nah.” He said, rolling his shoulders defiantly under her stare. “Just wanted to make sure you were up for this.”

  
“Oh, yes.” Mona said, but, oh, _how she said it_. And, oh crap, they were just staring at each other again, and this time even when Raph looked away, he could still feel her heavy stare on his shell. It messed with his head, and he’d seen Mona in combat before. He needed to bring his best for this.

  
He backed up, and she let him, pacing to her own side of the room. Not like this was her first time. He liked that Mona was experienced, that she wasn’t afraid to meet him head on.

  
In a _fight_. Oh _jeez_.

  
Slowly, he pulled his sais from their place at his waist, setting them on the ground, out of the way. Mona followed his lead slowly, removing her holster, checking the safety on her pistol and watching her slide straps free of buckles was doing weird things to his head. The dojo was silent around them, only the soft rustle of her movements and their shared breath. He wondered if it was as loud to her as him, but mostly he tried to center himself before this fight.

  
Still, it felt so different from the chatter of the dojo in the morning, Mikey’s mouth moving a mile a minute. Donnie whistling while he wrapped his hands. Mona turned to him finally, and she seemed taller, or maybe just more intense. Her gaze swept down his body, there and gone, but Raph was pretty sure he’d feel it forever.

  
“Ready?” She said, and when Raph nodded, she moved.

  
No bowing, no command to begin, just the whiplash tightening of her spine and waist before her tail snapped out for him, forcing him to dodge. He gave ground, almost proud of her speed, her ferocity. A smile stretched across Raph’s face as he skidded to a stop, one hand to the floor, and if he’d been worried about this date, he wasn’t anymore.

  
Y’gythgba fought with a sharp intensity that challenged his stamina, forcing him to adapt to her pace. After a few exchanges he realized she was accomadating him and the thought burned in the back of his throat. It made Raph throw himself into the fight, losing himself to simple reaction, and she was grinning at him between the fury of their blows, met and returned. Fuck, if she was going to be eating anybody, _it better be him_.

  
Her tail was a constant threat, and even though it was Raph who had fought in this dojo for years, she commanded his space easily.

  
He stayed defensive, learning her. Learning the length and range of her tail, the speed of her kicks and strikes. She seemed intent on discovering him too, and she stayed in his space, crowding him, even though they had plenty of room. Her skin glowed, under the dappled shade of their tree, and despite his namesake Raphael had never thought much about being an artist until now, with her. It was intense. It was flattering.

  
It was... fun.

  
So fun, that when her fist finally connected with more than his forearm, or shell the wave of pain along his side was a shock, sparking the all nerves in his body all at once. He was so surprised, he left himself wide open. Her next hit caught him full in the face, and the sharp burst of pain along his cheek went straight to his cock.

  
“Raphael!” She exclaimed, but he just shook out his jaw, like he could shake away the pain. Like he’d _want_ to. “Are you-”

  
“You kidding?” He asked, grinning like crazy. “Never better, babe.”

  
He circled her and Mona fell into an easy crouch, her tail lashing, even as her eyes checked him over. Concerned, confused. Both sets of her lids fluttered, and Raph struck, forcing her to re-engage with him. He didn’t want her too think to hard about it. It had been so easy just a second before.

  
When he met her eyes, they were still focused solely on him, but something in her gaze had changed. Her tail slapped for his feet, and he side-stepped her quickly. He needed to think. He flowed forward, and she met him in the middle. This time, they clashed for space, Mona like a wall, blocking his every attempt to break past her.

  
He needed to pull back, regroup. To _calm down_ , stop thinking with his tail.

  
Too late.

  
Her foot caught his ankle and Raph went down, his shell bouncing hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs. Chin flat to the floor, he hurried to push himself up, hands first. He hadn’t quite gotten to his feet when she tripped him up again, keeping him down. This time he rolled, grabbing for her, and he could feel her breathing, harsh and furious against him, spurring him on.

  
She wriggled free, and Raph scrabbled away from her, flipping onto his feet. She readied herself across from him.

  
He crooked two fingers. Waved her forward.

  
She came for him.

  
He had the time to think she was beautiful like this, and then they both hit the floor, arms locked around each other to shield from impact. It was a big, showy tackle. Nothing that they could ever do in the field, but it made his body rag doll with a sort of painful abandon. She was wrapped around all of him but his shell, shielding him. Her tail had his legs pinned, her hands balanced on his shoulders, pressing them flat to the floor. It created a delicious sort of tension all along his body, like he was being stretched, or crushed. The pain across his shoulders, under his shell was sharp and immediate and he could feel it building in his throat, just before he churred.

  
_Fuuuuck_.

  
Mona pulled back, just enough and Raph couldn’t look at her, at the bright, inquisitive gleam of her eyes. They were both still breathing too hard, and Raph tried to think of anything to distract him from the slow stiffening of his tail.

  
When he did dare to look at her, a small smile was tugging at the hinges of her mouth.

  
“Sorry.” He said, and her tail squeezed around him at the sound of his voice. He wasn’t even sure she knew she did it. “I’m-it’s-i’m-weird, I-”

  
“Raphael.” She said, like his name meant something, more than just him, just Raph, perpetual hard head with a serious case of bad luck. She said it like it _was_ something, and then her mouth met his.

  
And at the same time her hands on his shoulders pushed _down_.

  
It made him squirm, the increasing pain of his muscles being stretched flat despite his shell, squeezing some broken mixture of churr and moan from his throat before she descended on him. Her mouth covered his completely, returning the dojo to near silence.

  
It was deafening.

  
Her tail steadily tightened around him, curling up the backs of his thighs and Raph gasped, air rushing from him unsteadily when it brushed his swelling tail.

  
A sudden burst of laughter from the living room and her mouth separated from his, and he felt loose and dazed under her, even as she tensed, preparing for an interruption.

  
Raph held his breath waiting quietly under her, feeling safe while Mona stared at the door, muscles tense. He was coming back to himself, but Raph could feel it, just under his skin. Some needing piece of him, wanting the danger of her attentions again. Always, he thought, now that he’d had it once.

  
“Was that... alright?” She asked him, her voice coming out throatier, a deep rumble like she was mad, but she didn’t look it. Still pressed flush against him, he could see where her mouth was wet from his.

  
“Yeah.” Raph said roughly, and it was hard to look at her while he said it, but he wanted to. Wanted to be brave in this for her. “You’re _perfect_ , Mona.”

  
“For you.” She said simply, bending her head back to his. This time her kiss was a soft, tender thing.

  
Only the idea of teeth.

**Author's Note:**

> My, what big teeth you have.  
>  _Uh, the better to eat[pizza](http://honeyedlion.tumblr.com/) with, my dude?_


End file.
